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Kiddos

I have a ridiculously soft spot in my heart for kids.

For a long time I wanted to be an elementary school teacher so that kids could be part of my life every day. As I got older though, I didn’t feel that’s where God was calling me, but that doesn’t mean I won’t make them a big part of my life. First of all, I can’t wait to have them. I’m in no hurry, there’s plenty I want to do before I have my own, but honestly I can’t wait. There’s a few of them in my life right now that I am just crazy about.

First there’s my church kids, especially Owen. That boy has a smile that can light up a room. I can’t wait to watch him grow older and hopefully be part of his growing experience in the church.

Max and Owen in the nursery at church

Max and Owen in the nursery at church

The newest edition is Noah. This is my little second cousin, and he is precious. Just over a month old and I’m already crazy about him. I recently got to hold him for the first time and feed him, and getting so much joy out of doing that makes me unable to imagine how that will be with my own kids.

Holding Noah for the first time

Holding Noah for the first time

 

)

🙂

And last, but definitely not least, Cade. This is Noah’s older brother, and I’ve helped and watched Cade grow for 3 whole years now. He is my best buddy. I tear up just thinking about him, because he means the world to me. Cade and Noah live in Ohio, so I only get to see them every few months. This makes time with them even more precious, and I take advantage of every moment. Cade is the one who makes me want to have kids. Spending time with him and taking care of him brings out a joy in me that only he can. All these little guys are giving me something to look forward to, and providing me with tons of practice!

At Cade's 3rd birthday party

At Cade's 3rd birthday party

Fun in the pillows

Fun in the pillows

 

)

My best buddy 🙂

But it’s not just about the kids, it’s about the family. The only joy I look forward to more than having a kid is sharing that experience with someone else. I love my life now. I love being in my early 20’s and living a fast-paced life, but I feel God’s plan unfolding and seeing where He is working in my life right now to prepare me for the future. So far He has provided me with so much more than I deserve, and I know He will continue to be faithful. I will just continue to put my trust in Him everyday, and glorify Him through every thought, action, and decision.

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Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about jealousy.

For a few reasons. First of all, it’s an emotion that I have struggled with in the past. I went through one rocky relationship where there was no trust, and I was constantly being pushed into jealousy and suspicion. I didn’t want to be, but I was, and I ended up being right on the money. That’s tough to deal with when you push thoughts out of your mind and think you’re overreacting to things, and over and over again convince yourself that you are wrong, just to find out that you were right all along. Now it’s frustrating to keep being reminded of that doubt when I am finally in a healthy, trusting, God-centered relationship. It has nothing to do with Kyle, because he is perfect. Honestly, I don’t know how I got so blessed with him. Every day he does something else that makes me love him even more than I already do. I just struggle with it sometimes because my heart remembers that pain, and never wants to experience that amount of hurt again.

So I started really thinking about what jealousy is as an emotion. I examined where it originates from, why we experince it, and what we can do to get past it. At first, I thought about it in an emotional sense. The reason someone becomes jealous is because they feel a threat is existent to a valued relationship. Many times this is because of a lack of self-esteem, which can cause a person to fabricate thoughts and ideas. But this is not what I am feeling. I need a way to get past those old, fruitless emotions and not let them affect the present. So instead, I decided to think about a way refocus my jealousy and make it productive.

This started me thinking about the spiritual definition of jealousy. At first it seems kind of contradictory, because the Bible says that God is love, that love is not jealous, but it describes God as a jealous God. So I decided to do some research. The word “jealousy” comes from the Hebrew word qin’ah and the Greek word zelos. Both of these words mean “warmth” or “heat”. According to the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, the Hebrew word for jealousy carries with it the idea of “redness of the face that accompanies strong emotion” – whether right or wrong. Jealousy is simply a passion, whether it is good or bad. In the Bible, similar words are used to describe love for the Church,  love for God, and a desire for spiritual gifts.

But here’s the best part. The Bible also uses that same word to describe love.

Solomon 8:6 says this,

“Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave
.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.”

Love is encouraged to be jealous for what it deeply cares for. It is healthy to be protective, but only in a way that God would be jealous for His church. God gives us that desire so that we may fight for what we care about, and keep our love strong. 1 Corinthians 13:4 is one of my favorite verses because Paul describes all the attributes of the beautiful and passionate emotion of love. Love does not envy, but it is certainly jealous.

I no longer want to have the worldly, negative definition of jealousy, but I want zelos. I want to love like God loves His Church, and have no room in my heart for anything less…

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Chaos update….

It’s getting closer.

room-3

I worked all afternoon cleaning out drawers, shelves, going through papers, folding and hanging up clothes, and doing a little decorating. I made a quick trip to Walmart in there to print off some pictures and buy a few frames. :]

You’d think with how small it is it wouldn’t be so much work… Not sure when I’ll have time to finish. Hopefully sometime in the next few days while I’m on a roll.

But my clean, now-functional bed is calling my name. It looks very inviting.

room-4

Plus 5 hours of sleep tonight and then an 18-hour day of class, work, meeting, and work tomorrow means I should probably stop blogging and go to bed.

Oh, and I also took a break to get myself a Twitter account after some peer-pressure. :] Follow me @amhatcher. Tomorrow is my first full day of Tweets!

Goodnight.

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CHAOS!

So I know none of you asked for this, but here it is……

I just cannot seem to get it together. My major problem is that I never have large amounts of free time. The day is filled with class, work, errands, church, studying, Kyle, and anything else that might come up. Along with no time I have no money. It’s actually a big stress for me right now. I am stretching to the max to pay for school, rent, utilities, books, groceries, and small issues like my car deciding to rebel and break. Again. Your prayers for my sanity would be much appreciated.

Anyway, I do find all of it somewhat humorous. My room here is a wreck. My room at my parent’s house is almost as bad. I went grocery shopping and caught up on emails from 11pm last night until 2am this morning. I’m finding it extremely frustrating coming home to a room I can’t walk through with my shopping items still in their bags on the floor. I have few clean clothes. I did buy laundry detergent last night! Too bad I don’t have time to do my laundry. I am booked now until 2pm on Saturday, and I’m hoping that Saturday and Sunday can be major catch-up days for me. My genius plan right now is to skip class tomorrow and get enough done to at least make it until Saturday.

I am lacking in motivation and having a hard time getting back into a schedule. I think I just remember how completely stressed out I got last semester, and I’m not ready to go back to that again. Honestly, I’m just ready to be done with school and the schedule fluctuations. I’d love to have a job that would actually allow me to pay my bills and give me the satisfaction of going to work every day. I’m completely over homework and working night shifts. I would much rather have the stress of a job, a house, and more importantly a family.

Anyway, these are just some of the things on my mind recently. I’m frustrated because I feel like there’s so much more I’d rather be doing right now. I want to enjoy the next 2 years of my life, but I’m also ready for them to be behind me so that I can continue moving forward…

Oh, and for your viewing pleasure, just so you know I’m not kidding, I took a few pictures of my room…. Hopefully I’ll have a follow-up post to this one with much-improved and more organized-looking pictures of my room.

yeah....

yeah....

 

where do I sleep??

where do I sleep??

It would be nice to get away for awhile….

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A birthday to remember…

Tonight was a perfect evening.

My birthday was yesterday, the big 2-1. 🙂 It was nice to go out with my friends and my family, but the one evening I was most looking forward to was celebrating with Kyle. Friday evening was all his, but I was given no clues as to our agenda except some guidelines for dress.

It’s late, but I definitely want to tell you all about this right now for two reasons. First of all since I’ve sucked at blogging the last few weeks, and secondly because everything is still fresh on my mind, and my heartbeat still hasn’t slowed down since I started getting ready at 5 o’clock this evening…

Since my car broke down last night (yes, happy birthday to me) Kyle came to pick me up at my house. His hinting had suggested that we were staying in for dinner at his house. This was perfectly fine by me, but I should know by now that when he hints at one thing, he definitely means another….. 🙂

Well we passed the turn to his neighborhood and kept driving until we got to the interstate. My mind started racing trying to figure out various places where we were headed, but I know better than to assume anything with him. When we pulled into Houlihan’s, my heart stopped. This was the restaurant where Kyle and I had our first, real date 3 months, 27 days ago. It was a nice way to remember that evening and also to continue making new memories with each other. We stood for about 20 mintues waiting on our table, and ‘unfortunately’ the waiting area was packed so we had to stand awfully close together… 😉 Dinner was wonderful. To sit across from the man I love holding my hand and talking about important parts of our lives is the only thing I wanted and needed for my birthday. After eating all that amazing food we decided to walk around the shopping area for a bit before we headed home. We walked around Borders (another thing we did on our first date) and talked and laughed about anything and everything. Then we looked around at Banana Republic and gawked over clothes that are WAY out of our price range. Once again, it was around -7 degrees outside so we continued to stay close in each other’s arms. When we got back, Kyle gave me hands down the greatest and sweetest birthday card I have ever received (with some help from JENN!) and we sat and watched a movie and relaxed.

Kyle has put so much thought and love into the last few days especially for my birthday, but honestly every moment since that first date he has been taking care of my heart. Did I mention that yesterday he sent me 21 RED ROSES to my work?! It was such a loving gesture that was not necessary, but totally and completely made my day. Sharing my birthday and the holidays with Kyle has really given me a good chance to closely inspect and analyze our relationship. It’s been enjoyable to look back at the past few months and really see how our love has grown and matured. I can’t help but take all of that and see amazing prospects for our future. Kyle is the person that has become my best friend, my favorite person to share my thoughts and time with, and the one person I know I will be able to count on forever. I know that God has a plan for us, and I hope that it means me never having to be without Kyle.

Thank you babe for treating me to an incredible birthday that I will never forget. I love you.

Now here are a few photos for your viewing pleasure:

My amazing roses

My amazing roses

 

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Side view. Count 'em! There's 21 🙂

 

Myself and the love of my life.

Myself and the love of my life.

Am I the luckiest or what?

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The Season of Love

Christmas is such an amazing time of year for me.

It always has been, between the time I get to relax with my family, giving gifts to the people I love, and celebrating the birth of Christ, there’s not much that can top it. But this year Christmas was especially wonderful. It started out with a trip to Ohio to see my family and spend time with my awesome cousin, Cade. I have never found so much joy in one child, he absolutely lights up my life. What an encouraging and fun way to be reminded of the power of love. I spent 4 days with him and I have missed him so much since I’ve been home. He is truly a blessing.

Christmas Eve I spent with my family and Kyle eating dinner, going to church, and passing out a few presents. My sisters and I stayed up late wrapping and re-living our childhood of Christmas Eve fun just being together as sisters. Christmas Day brought on many new reasons to be glad for the day. Morning traditions with my family started it off just right. Then I got to spend the whole afternoon with Kyle and his family. It was wonderful spending Christmas with him. To share such a special day with him meant the world to me. He means the world to me…

When I finally got home to spend time with my other cousins, we had a blast. We set up the Wii, then headed out to the movies. Taking 5 kids to the movies can be somewhat challenging, but we had fun. I enjoyed packing them all up, buying tickets, popcorn and drinks, getting refills every 20 minutes and making sure everyone had whatever they needed. Times like that make me excited to have the blessing of my own kids someday.

Today may have been one of the greatest Christmases I have ever had. I can’t really even explain it except that I have not stopped smiling all day. There are just certain moments from today I will never forget. God has given me so much to be thankful for.

I hope that I have many more like today in the future…

)

Cade and me 🙂

 

Opening presents with Kyle

Opening presents with Kyle

 

Having fun with my sisters

Having fun with my sisters

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The Purest Kind of Joy

…just a few words that help me get through the busy, stressful times. 🙂

First of all, I haven’t had a new post in 2 weeks. That’s the longest I’ve gone since I started blogging! Christmas break is coming soon, it will be a good time to catch you all up on life.

College life is keeping me busy every moment of every day. I’ve had speeches, presentations, projects, papers, and every other type of assignment you can think of. Throw in 25-30 hours of work each week, church, and too-short segments of time with Kyle and I stay pretty booked. A three-week break of no class is definitely needed here SOON. I’m ready to spend time with my sisters, parents, cousins, and definitely Kyle. Hopefully I can get in lots of work and save some money over break as well! And maybe do a little shopping with my sister and our Christmas money…

The last month or so has been a pretty stressful one, but there’s been little highlights throughout that have kept me motivated. Movie nights, Thursday evenings with the Dialogue family and The Office, lunch dates with friends, Colts and BSU football games, and just sitting around watching the guys get the greatest joy from killing each other in Halo. 🙂 Without these small things I don’t think I would make it! But as frustrating as things get sometimes, life seems to get better with every passing day… God has really blessed me in some amazing ways.

What are the little things that bring you joy?

More to come soon!

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